File:  The New Stuff

Hi folks, and welcome to the last edition of the Eberts' Files for the foreseeable future. I wish that I could have written that phrase after the tenth season, but I am grateful to have been able to write it at all.

My last day on I-Man began in a terrible morning fog. I lost my trailer and was forced into a tiny one to change. Had to shoot my last scenes on the first day of the episode instead of the last one and got into a fight with Eddie.

And it was my last day ever on I-Man.

But let's put aside the sadness and jump into "The New Stuff." As I had mentioned earlier, this episode is more of a companion piece to "EomE" than a conclusion. Certain threads are in both, but the can stand alone in a pinch. I tend to like "EomE" a little better as it has more action, plot developments and character interactions. But this was Darien's story and so it's fitting that the show begin and end this way.

As I didn't have that much, here's a few final 'bits'.

The tabloid was supposed to "The Chronicle." It seemed like a natural, especially since they referenced us in a previous episode. Craig presented it to the network, they turned it down. To me, it was a big indication that we were in trouble. Of course, little did we realize that The Chronicle was in trouble too.
My line, when I enter The Official's office was quite a bit briefer than what ended up on camera. We filmed this sequence last, so it was my last scene. Not really caring, I decided to 'go for it' one last time and really make it a wild, wordy sentence. This was an earlier cut as my last couple of entrances started with, "Well! What a wild and jaunty adventure that turned out to be!" As it turns out, an apt assessment of my time on I-Man.

During that opening scene, Eddie and I had a brief and intense misunderstanding. Darien called Eddie 'fish', a term that Craig lifted from the Bboard sites. At the end of the scene I decided to chuckle at the term and repeat the word 'fish' during me coverage like I had never heard that before, and it was kind funny. Just a simple throwaway line. The first time I said it, Eddie said, "That totally undermines me if you're going to say that, so I'd have to play it differently." I thought that Eddie wanted to shoot it again to accommodate that phrase. He didn't. When the end of the scene occurred, and I said the 'fish' line again, Eddie exploded. On camera, he asked what I was doing, and in not so nice language. At first I thought he was kidding, then I realized he was serious. I apologize and told him what I thought we were doing. Eddie felt terrible at the mix-up and apologized to me the rest of the day for yelling at me.

The female scientist in the corn field, Candice Paul, also played my wife in my first on-camera experience, the indie film, To Hell with Love."

Why I got the last line: The heck if I know! I was very uncomfortable with having the last line of the Season, and eventually the series. To me, Darien absolutely needed the last moments to complete his journey. I presented this to various people, but nothing ever happened. It's embarrassing to me, and I really wish they could have changed it or added a Darien voice-over.

Craig's original script called for me to be hanging the F&G logo back on the wall, bringing full circle our journey through the government. For some reason, the network nixed that idea and kept us a Weights and Measures. None of us agreed. On that day, we demanded that Michael Grossman shoot the last scene with both logos. Michael agreed and we made him promise to try to put the F&G logo in. It was important to us to do this, and after the show was canceled, even more so. Fortunately, TPTB cared so little for the final episodes that they didn't even notice.

As Darien, Hobbes and Shannon are leaving they talk about going to "Herb's" to get a drink. "Herb's" was a veiled and final tweak at the network and censors. If you know your counter-culture lingo you understand the slang. Our final sticking it to the man (actually woman)" before we were finished.

There's actually a funny blooper about my dubbing lines for "EomE" and "TNS", but it's pretty racy, so I'll have to tell it some other time.

So I guess that brings us to the end. I have to stop now and take a few moments to thank each every one of you who supported us on the show affectionately known as I-Man. Your support helped shape the show more than any other I can think of. We listened to you, and you were always there for us. We can never thank you enough for going on this wild ride with us.

As far as the Files are concerned, they were something specials as well. They began as something simple and became something wonderful. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did.

So, it's back to filing for yours truly. I'll pop up now and then when time permits and hopefully you'll still listen.

Thank you, thank you,
Michael Patrick McCafferty
Albert Eberts